I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
