Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
