i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
