so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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