Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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