dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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