This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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