Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
