Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
