woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
