he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize