I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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