We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
