Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
