Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well, you know. whores of a feather.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
