fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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