I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
