Please don't use social media to get back at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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