i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
