Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
