He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize