I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
