Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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