Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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