doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
