Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
