I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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