Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are the jesus of drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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