I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he thought i was a dude.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
