Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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