arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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