I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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