So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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