he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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