There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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