Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
