I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
