I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
