Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
