Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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