At least make sure they are 18
Why
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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