my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
