that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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