It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
