My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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