There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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