My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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