The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
