My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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