I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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