Will you blow on my dice?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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