would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
