She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
