can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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