I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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