We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
