Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
