Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
