We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize