Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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