hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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