Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
