i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize