i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
