hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
