God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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